Marriage Therapy. Marriage & Relationship Counselling

Your reading this article because you need help right?

Well we want to make this is simple as possible without the Psychobabble. There is a difference between a Counsellor, a Psychologist & a Psychiatrist. Much like going to a General Doctor or GP, versus then going to a Specialist Doctor, then maybe a Professor of that discipline. Naturally the more defined their skills, the more specific they will be in their chosen field.

It would be rare if not unlikely that you would seek relationship advice from a Psychiatrist, for one their fees are the highest, and well deserved I might add, though you would most likely seek them out for extreme mental illnesses, or when medical intervention is required. Whereas a Marriage & Relationship Counsellor deals daily in the issues that arise commonly with couples, who will be the first port of call.

What we have found to be true, there are patterns of unhappiness that occur over time in relationships. You may think your problem or partner is the first to have had an experience like it, or behave in a way that is not normal. Well more often than not at some point in time we all experience common problems, they are just dressed in different clothes.

The biggest thing to bear in mind if you have the made decision to seek help, is not to expect an overnight result to your problems or issues. It may have taken 5, 10 or 20 years for these concerns to fester when you hit the breaking point. Unfortunately as many as 50% of clients that come to our practice have left it all too late.

If you are one of those in the 50% that it has gone too far, help is still at hand. What we know is that people that bounce from one relationship to the next tend to attract the same problems, or what may seem like the identical partner. This is because they have not dealt with the dirty laundry, so to speak. That’s where we can help.

Next in identifying your ideal Marriage or Relationship Counselor requires you to interview the Counsellor. Some people think a male or a female may give them better understanding, and that can work fine sometimes, though the right Counsellor will have both people’s interests at heart. It never ceases to amaze us how coming as individuals the story can be completely different or at least how it is interpreted. The right Counsellor will be smart enough to decipher fact from fiction, then they will apply or recommend the correct strategies for coming to a resolve, or improving behaviors.

There are various techniques for extracting the information from a client, and it is not all about the perceived lying down on the long leather sofa to reflect on childhood dramas, or bad experiences. Yes there could be some underlying unpleasant circumstances that have tainted you, or scarred you for life, that is a real possibility and it is not to be shrugged off. Though what we are trying to do in this article is firstly help you find the right Counsellor.

Our advice is ask that Counselor how they plan to help you, what techniques or real solutions do they offer. If you are going to see someone that sits there like a stunned mullet, asking you “How does that make you feel”, then expect if that is their only trick in the book, your real problems will not be resolved.

This is why at Positive Life Counseling in our practice on the Gold Coast we attract the couples that have had no success with their previous Counsellor, why you may ask? Because putting it politely, they are too fluffy for want of a better word.

If you want real solutions to real problems, seek out a Counsellor that is determined to get your life heading in the right direction, either with your current partner, or at least prepare you for greater happiness before the next relationship. Life is too short not to be happy.

Well, if you are a male and have made it into the 35 plus club, you can testify to having traveled a journey. Most of us have probably experienced multiple jobs, have married and created the nuclear 2.3 child family. Yet what is it for the majority of males that they feel a sense of emptiness or seem like we are lacking some major gratification?

You can argue that the imminent big 40 is now fast approaching and we are yet to accomplish something in excess of our current position. Well back the truck up, you are a long time dead. With advances in technology and medicine chances are you’re not even at the half way mark in this game we call life.

The most common trait in the typical 35+ males life is the belief of not having locked away the dream career, or more popular still deciding if you have enough courage to step into self employment. For those seeking independence and a truly rewarding lifestyle, this can conceivably be one of life’s biggest challenges. I am often a magnet for this male demographic who open up to this state of confusion in there life, with me.

To break this down further is to explore the two biggest human motives we encounter in life, and make no mistake macho men; these two emotions are fear and love. Nearly every human driving force is derived from these two emotional factors. How you may ask?

When we are motivated by fear and contrary to popular belief we use security and stability, which are outcomes of our actions, these can best be described as being in a fear based emotion. Turn the tables and be in an environment of happiness, support and caring for others, and you feel the presence of love.

So when you cannot face a life changing experience know that any excuses or objections are fueled by fear. So why do we fear the future? Because we have had 35+ years of good or bad judgement to sway our decision making process. So when we step out of our comfort zone our sub conscious mind or our library of historical events and experiences, throws up a red light warning us of a failed comparable time.

Psychologists have estimated that our emotive fears or worries result in 87% of concerns never coming to fruition, yet we continue to be critical of hope or a better way of life. The founder of McDonald’s restaurants Ray Kroc was quoted in saying if you are not prepared to take a risk, then get the hell out of business. Life really is no different we were put on this earth to encounter challenges and real problems. How boring would life be if it was that predictable you did not bother to take a chance?

Let us take a look at dreams and what they can mean and how you extract the wisdom. Take solace in finding and dedicating some quiet time for you. In today’s modern world of equal rights and share, a lot of us are now committing more time to the household family experience than ever before.

Our fathers worked their bodies to the core and more often than not left the family chores and upbringing of kids to their wives. Today as life becomes more technically advanced we are finding new ways to look busy in our newly created free time. So back to you, work out when is your best time in the day or week for some selfish me time.

What to do with this time is ponder, meditate or whatever takes your fancy. Then focus on what brings you alive, that feeling of I am invincible, or when you sense that sensation of joy. For some it might be going on holidays, or taking a test drive of your dream car or you may have an underlying passion or hobby, that simply needs exploiting. You will know it by what I like to call that good gut feeling when you know you cannot fail. Once you have identified what it is for you in that feel good moment, apply that to your dedicated time of reflection.

It will be in this reflection that you will start to unearth your life purpose. Some may say I have been on a mission in search of my purpose for some time, yet I have not unearthed it. This is common and not a time to beat your self up. Yes it can be harder to take risks when you have the responsibility of family and commitments. Though give yourself the privilege of at least acknowledging what makes you happy. Not all of us get to do what we love as a career, so allow the possibility there is scope to at least get a taste for it.

To draw the ultimate comparison is to ask your self what I would do if I knew I couldn’t fail. Let these ideas flow, perhaps put pen to paper to capture these thoughts. Now most of these thoughts will not be new, there will be events, people and places where you have enjoyed that feel good experience. Another way of identifying what you need to do is relate to a time where things were falling into place and you were on a high, there will be some point in life that you can reflect upon.

We can easily expand upon the many techniques to identify where you are at in your life, and those techniques can be shared by simply visiting the author of this article or request an appointment with our Life Coach at Positive Life Counselling, and request more information on unlocking your purpose. Remember you are not alone so continue to communicate with other like minded 35 plus males that exhibit a positive mental attitude, if you attract the doom and gloom people you get just that. Rest assured life need not be difficult it is us that make it hard.

Make today the first day of the rest of your life.