Being asked if you are a controlling person is a confronting realization as most controlling people are unaware of their traits, what we aim to do in this short review is to help you identify controlling patterns and the effect it has on others.
One of the first behavioral patterns is the way you spend your time, the controlling individual is generally a very busy person and is always planning or organizing not just themselves though everybody in their circle of life. This is to the point of where they will constantly complain about not having enough me time, however they secretly like to be kept busy and always in demand. Call it a martyr if you wish, though the underlying truth is they crave acknowledgement and appreciation for their actions.
To the controlling person this may come as a surprise as they may have either lacked love or attention as a child, hence why it is playing out in their adult lives. This also affects the ones close to them, by having a regimented time controlling existence. Another pattern is the, what about me, it is all about me, poor me. As they have become accustomed to being in demand and the seeker of attention, that they are the first to suffer from not being the centre of attention.
Normally the controlling person will struggle with change, as it is their way or the highway. They fear change unless it is on their terms, if not it rocks their world. Funnily enough these will be the people that openly admit; oh I do not like change, yet will be the first to get a new hairstyle or will have to buy that item of clothing that stands out and attracts attention.
Theses dominant people typically are reluctant to move, and quite often will become a prisoner of their own life because moving house or town is the furthest thing from their mind, and anybody that does it is crazy. Naturally they will have an opinion of your transient ways, why because they are imparting their values upon you without consideration to what is important to you.
The controlling person is rarely wrong and struggles to admit defeat, remember how can you be in control if you are not right? So here is the first step to admitting you’re a controlling person, is allowing others to actually have a point of view, or a belief without actually challenging them. So simply by letting go of your righteousness do you start to open up, and to realize others are not be reliant upon you. Your not here to save the world and yes the world will go on even in your absence.
Have you ever noticed that the controlling parent has little time for the child and quite often the child is screaming out for attention to the point of misbehaving to the disgust or annoyance of the controlling person, why, again because it is not on their terms? One can argue the other extreme of the over zealous parents that push there children into a sport that the child is expected to excel at, whilst potentially fulfilling there own lack or acknowledgement as a child.
Note help is not far away when you acknowledge your pattern of behavior, by seeking help. Guidance from a professional like a marriage counsellor or a general life counsellor before it is too late is the best medicine. Although the willingness to change must be there before consulting help, otherwise it may lead to a catastrophe either in your relationship or your family. Controlling people are not limited to male or female, many women suffer a controlling husband either through verbal or physical abuse when it is clearly not on. Equally a nagging wife may drive the male away from home to the point of divorce.
Controlling behavior is almost like a disease that needs treatment, quite often these types of people attract cancer, arthritis and many other debilitating illnesses because they swallow the anger and impatience of other people not meeting their expectations. Unless you are keen to attract these health related causes, stop and take a look at how you are impacting on your friends and family, and start accepting and loving yourself. As all this need for acknowledgement is an act to compensate for this loss of love. Lets us face it, the most important person in most peoples lives are themselves, so let go and quit being the victim.
Positive Life Counselling offers a safe environment to open up, and acquire the skills to get their relationship back on track. Visit their web site on positivelifecounselling.com.au to arrange an appointment.